Finally it is done.

Finally it is done.

My dad finally got everything together and backed up for the upgrade. I took the computer over to jakes house and we worked on it for 7 to 8 hours. But it is done. I promised never to touch that thing again and told my parents that if it dies they might as well get a new one because I would not fix this one again. So I showed my dad how to run the clean up utilities and update the virus checker. Already he found 120 different things of spy ware on the computer between 2 users. Well now we know who is causing all the problems and I am trying hard to get their access limited but it is an up hill battle and I just want to let them hang themselves again.

Well that is my only adventure for this week mostly because I cant think of any thing else to write.

/Strike *Off*

What do you know, it worked!

So I've got a lot of catching up to do.

First, I had a high-end FM modulator installed in my car. It works far better than the other two ever did, and it cost about four times as much as one and about six times as much as the other. But it works well.

Leon was extremely kind to stay by my side while the guys at the car audio shop tore into my 2003 Accord and nearly broke damned near everything therein.

Here's the thing; I LOVE my car. I mean, I love my wife and my kids more than anything ever.

But my car holds a separate partition of love for its own in the hard drive of my heart, and let me tell you, I am thoroughly taken with that thing. So watching the stupid car audio guy rip the dash to peices was TORTURE. Just ask Leon. Really, it was scary for a minute or two there. But we got through it, and the car is ok.

Next, the digitizer in my Tablet started to go out again, and they left dust between the digitizer and the LCD last time they fixed it. So Toshiba has it again. I also told them to replace the LCD (because of a few dead pixels) and update the BIOS for me. So hopefully they'll do it right this time.

Eric has a cell phone! I've been nagging him to get a cell phone for years now, and he finally did it. He called me yesterday, all happy and beaming through the repeaters between where he was and I was. Congrats Eric, on your new cell phone. I guess your next acquisition will be a laptop? AlienWare has some nice models.

Maybe that should be a new paragraph: Alienware has some nice models. I went on the Alienware website a while back and specced out my dream laptop. It came to over 8,000 bucks. So much for that. Besides, I'm too endeared of my Tablet to take any portable system that isn't a Tablet seriously.

I was going to use some space talking about my math professor, but I find that I just don't care enough. Maybe later.

Sanity check

So, I've been busy, and more importantly, I've been rather isolated from all my former internet hangouts. I'll be getting cable internet in a couple of weeks, so maybe things will improve then, but for now, I'm still guy incognito.

But while I've been busy, apparently Jake's been going schizo. If you need more collaborators, then ask me about it. Don't create two trollish alter egos.

Good news, by the way. I got my first pay check from my new job this week, and so this afternoon, we got cell phones. I've never had one before, and I'm very excited about it.

Video is trying to kill the gamer in me.

Well it is time once again to make my post for this week.
One good thing this week is that I bought a copy of splinter cell yesterday. It looks to be a great game. The down side is that I can’t play it because my video card does not support pixel shading. Every thing else about the card is great and passes the tests. Also I found that the game does not support my video card even though they had new drivers for it on the disk. This now means that I am in the market for a new video card. So I spent some time at both ATI’s and NVIDIA’s web sites. Wow, am I really getting that far behind? Here are the links:
http://www.atitech.ca/index.html http://nvidia.com/page/geforce_6800.html

If you go to NVIDIA’s site it works better with IE than with firefox. Both of these companies are doing some amazing stuff. I was thinking that I would go with an NVIDIA geforce 6800, an ATI 9800XT or the X800 platinum. I am leaning mostly to an ATI 9800XT it’s a great card a third generation witch is saying something in video cards. Though after doing some more surfing I have found that there are a lot more complaints about compatibility from ATI products then there are with NVIDIA when dealing with windows boxes. This bothers me because 1) I have a windows box. 2) I hate dinking around with things just to get them to work. I maybe good at it but I don’t like it. In defense of ATI and the new X800 when it works it out performs the 6800 hands down. But I have always been a fan of NVIDIA I currently run a GeForce 4 MX 440 64 MB and it has kept me playing any game I wanted for almost three years. Well now you begin to understand what I have been pondering and why. Oh for the benefit of others I refuse to upgrade anything until half-life 2 is released and I know the specs. Hopefully that last line will save me some harassment.

On Strike

That's right, you heard me.

Eric, you lazy heap of married junk, this is a collaborative project and thou shalt collaborate.

So get it together or don't. But until you do, the title holds.

Love,
Jake.

Super Happy Post Time ! ! !

Sounds Japanese, doesn't it? Makes me want to see a game show host with a cheesy smile and screaming Japanese 16-year-old girls. Oh, and Hello Kitty stuff. Because it's...SUPAH HAPPY POST TIMAH!!!

Does that make me racist? I make fun of Japanese people, but it's just because I think they're cute.

I've been learning how to use M$ OneNote, and so far it looks really good. If I use it as much this semester as much as I used M$ Journal last semester, it'll be worth the $50 I paid for it.

And have a mentioned my Tablet PC on this blog? It is, bar none, THE best tool for school I've ever had. It's great. Toshiba built it extremely well. I'm grateful to have my Tablet in school.

I bought new headphones for my Archos yesterday. They're a Koss set. I've had a no-Koss policy for ten years or so, but I really like these. Maybe I was wrong about Koss. I sure like these.

Last night I went and played pool with Brent, as usual, but unusually, I played very poorly. Oh, the frustration.

It's not the first time I've lost my game. It's just the first time since I was this good. And it pissed me off. So I spent three hours playing at Leon's today, and I got my game back. The culmination of the three-hour ordeal was Leon's younger brother, Mike, coming downstairs with some trash talk.

And with my newly-regained game I kicked his butt. Happy me! I took five games straight against Mike, and that humbled him a fair bit. Duff Man says: "Oh yeah!"

Ugh

Wow, Blogger's new layout is nice. It's better than before.

But anyway, 'Ugh', as stated above, is how I've been feeling. The newly-prescribed amphetamines mentioned earlier in this blog are not working out so well, and I've got attitude problems.

And it sucks! I've got good music, good friends, a cool family, and most other things going for me, and I still feel icky. Clearly, my drugs are a problem.

I had childhood depression and drugs for said problem when I was a kid. At the end of junior high school, I refused my drugs and finished school without them.

Things were good that way, and I made it through a mission and other trials, still undrugged. I think there have been times when it would have been wise to get me on something, though.

The Air Force almost killed me a couple of years ago, and I was pretty well down for the count for about six months after that.

Maybe the stresses of being back in school are just bringing out the manic depressive in me. The thing is that I'm not the creatively depressed type; I just ponder my depression and get more depressed. My analyzing and probing childhood ADD/Depression doctors taught me well!

It really is too bad I can't enjoy my amphetamines like everyone else, though. I really did try, but Speed...at least not this kind...doesn't make me have fun, or even help me be more productive. It does make me super-introspective though, which would be fun if I had more esteem right now.

Wow, look at that! I can write a depressing post, too! Who'd have thought?

I'll write a happy post right after I post this one to help cover it up a bit.

It is always nice to say I told you so. Or is it?

Yesterday I sat down with my dad and worked the “family” computer over getting it prepared for a back up, nuke, and upgrade. What brought this on? Well a lot a things put together but most of all negligence. What happens when you don’t update your virus checker? You get viruses. What happens when you don’t run your virus checker? Viruses run you. (Or at least your computer.) What happens when you don’t watch what the kids install on the computer? You end up with a bunch of crap that never gets used and takes up valuable memory and bogs down the processor. So all together, negligence. I spent two hours cleaning up this system getting rid of all the nonessential information and stuff that can be reinstalled by disks. Two hours!!! What ever happened to maintaining your systems? This dose not include the backup or the nuke or the upgrade. Ok I feel better now.

I can tell you it does feel good to wipe out all the video games and their save files before letting my siblings run their backups. But you must find comfort where you can. Not all the family has their files saved yet so I think tomorrow will be the day to nuke the monstrosity.

I also worked on my fathers PC and it is working well now. It was going to be a nuke and load as well but after removing a lot of crap it just started working well again. Well duh! Of course it is but since I did not remove the programs he really likes to use he is procrastinating letting me complete the job. Witch in the end will only make it worse. Another I told you so for the future.

Thanks to a good friend I have SP one and two for windows on CD and that will save me all kinds of time later.

Now I did have a good time Saturday, playing laser tag with Jake, when I did not have second place his sister did. Credit where credit is due. This means that either his sister is a good shot and player, or I got beat out by a girl. I prefer the first one.

I could tell you about the problems at work but not many care about a small dairy department in a small store in a small town, except me. So farewell and don’t forget to maintain your systems least the gods of technology frown on you and make your life a living ______.

The Word 'Unblowuppable' Gets Thrown Around A Lot These Days...

Don't get me wrong: My whole life isn't based on shooting people. I'm just really good at it.

Last night my brother, Jeff, had his belated laser tag birthday party. We played four games. I lead the scoring in all four.

Leon, again my teammate, was also my runner-up in most rounds. Just like Half-Life. Fun.

For all you budding laser taggers out there, here's my basic strategy.

1. Hold the gun high (next to your face) and always point it where you're looking. That way, you can shoot at whatever you see. The twin advantage to this strategy is that when your gun is by your face, it puts your elbows in the vicinity of your chest pack, making it harder for someone to kill you with a shot to the chest. This is not breaking rule #13 below because it’s a real combat strategy not a cowardly attempt at not getting shot.

2. Don't move too fast. First, you'll run into things if you go too fast. Second, you'll miss opportunities to shoot the other guys. Be methodical, and look everywhere. Point your gun where you’re looking, and shoot when you see something.

3. Shoot at everything, especially if there's no penalty for shooting your own teammates. Don't shoot your own guys intentionally, but if you're not sure, shoot first and get a positive ID later.

4. Find less-used areas of the playing field and exploit them. There's a part of our local arena that no one goes in much. Except me. I can shoot other players from there who don't expect me to be there.

5. Find well-traveled areas of the playing field and exploit them. I like to find the halls that feed in and out of the popular areas and shoot people as they come and go. That's a very handy trick.

6. Follow people. When someone runs right by you without shooting, it means they don't know you're there. Follow them and shoot them when you get a chance. Then duck behind a wall and if they're stupid enough not to get out of there, shoot them again when their pack comes back to life.

7. Always shoot the chest. Shoulders are a stun, but the chest is a kill. Big points difference. So learn to aim your gun and shoot at the good stuff.

8. Hide your own chest. If you're sniping, you WILL get seen eventually. So keep your vital parts hidden behind a wall. Only let the other guys see your gun. Then they can only shoot your gun. If you're running along a wall, crouch so your chest is below the wall. You don't want to die, do you?

9. Don't tell people where you're going. In other words, run away, but then run back. Odds are, you'll get an easy kill on someone who thinks you're long gone.

10. Oh yeah, when you're outnumbered, DO run. Run, damn you! Then maybe circle back and pick them off one at a time.

11. Don't get all hung up on bunkering down in a spot and holding it. Seriously, if it's such a great spot, why are so many people shooting you? Towers are a good example of this. Yeah, it's nice to have a height advantage, but when everyone flushes you out, maybe you don't want to go back there for a while, right? Last night we had guys that really, REALLY wanted to stay in the towers. So they died a lot. Because I killed them.

12. When you are shot (and you will be if you're playing with me), GO AWAY. Waiting around for your pack to come back to life so you can kill me is a bad strategy for two reasons. First, I'm probably not there anymore. Second, if I am sticking around to kill you again, I still have the advantage! Hello? My gun is still good! I can just shoot you over and over until you come back to life and then you're dead before you even get a shot off! Don't be stupid. Run when you're dead.

13. Don't cover your pack sensors with your hand. First, you've got three more sensors that your hand isn't covering that I WILL still shoot. And I'm a good shot. Second, you're a cowardly stupid little dink if you do this. Third, how are you going to use your gun effectively if you're too busy being a coward to think about shooting me? Fourth, did I mention that this is an extremely cowardly thing to do? Die with honor, you ugly Klingon.

My keyboard is going weird and I'm getting long-winded. So you're dismissed for now, maggots.

Congratulations, You Are Dead...

That was a pretty good LAN party.

Anyone who accuses me of feeling that way just because I did well and killed a lot will be vehemently shushed. And at least partly right.

I think we need to play that Subtransit map more often. On our last round in Subtransit, I lead the kills at 101. The runner-up was Leon, my team-mate, at 55. It was simply incredible.

I did OK in Crossfire and Boot Camp, but my-oh-my, I had no idea I could do that well in Subtransit. Wowser. And thanks for letting me win those, guys.

My son's face is just fine. It looked a lot worse at the time than it turned out to be. Now if he can just learn to stay in bed, we'll be great.

The wife and I are at peace again. The making up was nice. I like to make up.

Tomorrow I'll take my last final for this semester. It's been a hard semester.

Last night my parents got home from Bermuda. They had a great time, and they seem well sunned and rested.

And I'm going to be doing some fishing over the next couple of weeks.

In short, things are looking up! Now I have to find a job. Ick.

T-Minus...

Well, it's the night before. Leon was over tonight, and he provided me my first real Dr. Pepper in a couple of months. I've really missed it. I had three in an hour or two. Now I'll be pissing all night.

Like an idiot, I forgot to invite Stan to the LAN party. I got an email to him tonight, and he may or may not show. We'll just have to wait and see.

So here's my day. At two this morning, my wife and I paused our latest spat long enough to go to bed. Grrrrr... Of course, I didn't sleep until more like 3:30, so when the alarm went off at six, I was delighted.

I took a nap in the shower, and then had my daily meds with a cup of grapefruit juice. The meds were especially important today, because I had finals today for all but one of my classes.

Oh, and let me just say this before I go on: Stupid, stupid, bureaucratic stupid moronic stupid testing center people! Bad! Bad testing center people! Could you try being a little less competent? Do you even know what it means to try? It's my policy not to use the name of deity in frustration, so OH MY KOFFI ANNAN, you STUPID people!

There's no way that incompetence that consummate, that pervasive, could be real. I think I'm a victim of some sort of retarded, cruel performance art. They're in a basement right now somewhere practicing for act two.

Whew. That felt good. So buffoonery abounded in the testing center today, where I had to take four of today's five finals. Today, right at the end of the semester, when they should be on top of things and anticipating, you know, people arriving to take tests.

Tonight has been fun, too. My little boy, who is not yet subject to reason, was supposed to be in bed and managed to hurt himself instead. Pretty badly. He hit his face on something. There's a dresser next to his bed, and the theory is that he was standing or jumping on the bed, slipped off, looked down, and hammered the top of the dresser with the front of his poor little face.

I've only been a daddy for a little under three years now, and tonight is the first time I've seen my child bleed from an accident. It stopped my heart at first, but I think I handled it well overall.

I used a flashlight to check him for a concussion and his pupils dilated fine. His nose bled quite a bit, and there was a lot of cleaning up to do. The bleeding stopped easily, and then it was down to business. His eyebrows, nose, upper lip and upper gums were all swollen, so I got Children's Advil into him as quickly as I could.

Thank goodness he didn't hit a corner and split himself open.

Hold on, he's bled before. He cut his finger on a screw he found a few months ago. That was only a tiny bit of blood though, very unlike the abundance of it tonight.

But the Advil worked wonders, and how he's clean, with a new diaper, asleep. The swelling seems to be almost gone, too. I'm sure there will be bruising, but the worst seems to be over.

Leon was over at the time and...what do you say about such friends? Whenever I think about the friendship I've had from Leon and Eric over the years I get a little choked up and feel like a total cheese ball.

Leon was great, of course. He grabbed a towel and a flashlight and went into the kids' room and started cleaning. My daughter was in there, also supposed to be sleeping, so we didn't want to turn the light on.

And now the house is quiet. It's just another calm period before another storm.

Tomorrow is the LAN party, and the house will be a flurry of goings-on all day and into the night. Then, right about when night and morning meet, I'll drive to the airport and pick up my parents, home from Bermuda.

And on the cusp of tomorrow, an episode of the Simpsons today had a line in it that I think is appropriate. It was the episode where Moe remodels the bar and kicks out the regular guys. Homer makes a bar/hunting club in his garage, and the climax of the show is Moe getting shot in the leg by Homer, who thinks he's shooting at a cougar. Or some other big cat.

Anyway, Moe's great line is this: "Like my father always said, 'Eventually, everyone gets shot.'" And tomorrow, some more than others. There’s nothing you can’t kill with a gluon gun and a crossbow. Well, nothing I can’t kill. You guys suck.

The hammer falls

Oh the joys of having something new to do! Thanks to Jake and Eric for the invitation to assist in keeping this place interesting.
First to my only technical problem in a while, at least on my computer. I had just finished bragging to my brother about how cool the clips to half-life 2 were and convinced him to join me at my computer to watch them. So I strut into my room like a cat with the fish for dinner and turn on my computer. When I get to the logon screen suddenly my fish is forcibly taken from me. I can’t type my password in! Oh the embarrassment! Here I am trying my hardest to show off and I can’t even type. Well the solution was fairly simple if a little time consuming. I own a wireless gyration keyboard and mouse set that a good friend (Jake) hooked me up with. Quickly I noticed that the receiver was not picking up a signal so I tried my mouse sill nothing. To make a long story short (I know to late) the batteries in my keyboard were dieing and I just had not used the mouse for so long that it just needed to be reset. Well one emergence avoided.
Next to the more important subject Jakes LAN-party. First I have notified Gary and have a “commitment” from him. As to the Dr.Peper you will never guess what I walked into my room with before even reading the blog........ two cases of DP. I think this makes two times I have anticipated the need before even being asked. It’s great having friends this good. And finally I am looking forward to doing some painting of my own. Though I prefer black and blue to red.

Now up to five times faster!

I’ve been having trouble getting some pages to load, most notably my personal web log. This is a fairly new problem, and the fact that it popped up during my sabbatical makes it difficult to diagnose. I do have my suspicions though. The ISP used here in my childhood home just changed its logon system (which was probably why I couldn’t get online the day before I got married). I’m guessing that they’ve changed their entire service, perhaps gearing toward the kind of “optimized” nonsense that has been all the rage lately. (The commercials and the rage are the nonsense, by the way, although I wouldn’t rule out calling the service garbage too. If you need a faster connection, just fork out for DSL, cheapskates!) Actually, the connection feels quite a bit slower than before, so I kind of doubt that kind of optimization. In any case, I suspect that the ISP has changed something and it’s keeping my page from loading properly. Clearing the browser’s cache helps, but it still stinks to have problems like this.

Just another month, and then I can have cable internet in my own apartment. I can hardly wait.

One more note: Jake’s LAN parties are good fun. I usually go expecting them to use me to paint the walls an uneven red color, so whenever anything goes well, I’m pleasantly surprised.

This Is Your Last Warning

About...oh, I don't know, cats? Yeah, you know anything that soft with so many sharp edges is just eager to draw you in and then put holes in you. I'm not a cat person. But I loved my dog, and my brother's dog is a pretty good one.

While I'm on it, I guess there are two cats I know who have justifiable existences. The first is named Scooter. He belongs to my friend Leon (or I guess Leon belongs to him?), and he's a huge silver cat who generally stays out of the way. He's never bitten me, never clawed me, never scratched me, and when I've had a mind to, he's let me scratch his ears. Not a bad cat. An exemplar to his breed, but unfortunately not a representative example.

The other that comes to mind lived at my wife's vet clinic. His name was Bubby, and he was diabetic, which is why he lived at the clinic. His people couldn't afford him anymore and didn't have time to take care of him, so they donated him to the clinic. He died a month or two ago, and it's genuinely sad. He was a nice kitty.

But I didn't intend to come here and write about cats, so on to business.

This Saturday we're having a LAN party at my house. If you've been to one of my LAN parties before, you're invited again. If you haven't, you'll have to contribute something, like, oh...pizza. And not that frozen crap, either. Whip out your plastic and have The Hut or Domino's bring some in. Or Papa John's. Mmmmm.

We'll be starting around five-ish, or whenever we feel like starting to play. Bring your PC and a monitor, and an ethernet switch if you have one. Half-Life has been the game of choice lately, but we may get into some Motocross Madness 2.

Donations of Dr. Pepper will be warmly smiled upon.

Leon...a couple of things. As soon as I've got your email nearby, I'll send you an invite to contribute to this blog. Accept it, start writing a little bit regularly, and it will be fun.

Second, next week is finals week for me. I've only got two finals to worry about that week, and they're both early in the week, so you should see about some time off so we can fish. Fish! Because only crazy freaks don't like to fish...Eric, I'm looking in your direction. And my new rod and reel need breaking in.

Oh yeah, I've got an Admissions Application to Weber for you, too, so don't be a stranger.

So today is the first day I've really been able to enjoy my new-ish mp3 player. I had to send it back for replacement twice after I ordered it, and then I sent it somewhere else for upgrading. I started the process about two months ago, and now I'm finally enjoying listening to it at school and recording my class lectures with it. Finally. Now that the semester is over.

Jubiliation

For several reasons.

First, Eric is back. He's officially back. He wrote a post today, (probably very early this morning) and one can hope that he'll start writing them regularly again. No email yet, though.

Additionally, we're throwing a little LAN party this weekend. I'm so excited I may wet my pants, even though I haven't done that since one notable day when I was eight years old. Accidentally. Come on, you guys, don't make fun of me!

Ok, second, my Archos came back today, one day short of three weeks gone. Mike over at newmp3technology.com is a great guy. He wasn't able to do quite everything I wanted, but we worked it out and I'm a very happy customer. If you have an Archos MP3 player, I highly recommend that you GIVE HIM BUSINESS. Seriously, I don't say that about just anyone. Didn't you see my rant about Cybertron earlier in this blog? Yeah. Mike's different. Thanks Mike!

Third, today I bought a new fishing rod and reel. Yeah, that's right, I'm a geek who fishes. Nearly a year ago when we moved to this house, my rod and reel disappeared, and I've been sad about it ever since. Fixed!

Fourth, today my sister, Julianne, came to the University with me instead of going to high school. We had a busy, fun day. She's a nice person to be around. I bought her lunch, and then we did a little shopping and went to my doctor's appointment and...

(Fifth) I got new drugs. I don't know if they'll be better than the last ones yet, but if y'all are good, I'll let you know. Woo-hoo, amphetamines. Too bad my body chemistry isn't such that I can enjoy them. My body chemistry shrugs them off like sugar-free smarties. *sigh*

And that's made doubly sad by the fact that I'm a Mormon boy and I'm not allowed other fun recreational substances like doobage and booze. I drank a little when I was a teen, but I never had the good sense to get drunk. You see, I thought I liked beer for a little while. I'm glad I grew out of that.

Well my mom's Palm m100 required extensive work before it was functional again. It works now, to a degree. What I mean by that is that it seems to work fine at the moment, but there's no telling when it will heave its last dying breath.

Shall I enumerate its deficiencies? Is this blog not dedicated to things technical and otherwise? Aye, it is.

Two of the screw posts (torx 6) had popped loose of the chassis, so the unit was barely staying together.

When the HotSync cable was plugged in, the unit would turn off and then soft reset when you unplugged it. This was because the chassis was spreading apart from the outward pressure of the cable connector, causing the battery contacts to no longer touch the power points on the motherboard.

The thing needed a thorough dusting on the inside, and then I spread out the internal battery contact springs to lessen the chance of them separating any more.

I then re-screwed the two good posts together and super glued one corner of the unit shut. I know, not the most graceful of solutions, but this Palm will get played with by my kids and otherwise sit on my desk.

Don't tell my mom that it's working again, though. She won't understand that even though it's working now, another week in her purse would mean certain and permanent death to the unit. Her new Clie is much better suited to that sort of abuse.

Oh, Eric, before I forget again...I think I'll make Leon a contributor to this blog. Let me know what you think.

Mein Kampf (with Qwest, that is)

It’s been just over a week since we moved into this apartment, and we’ve already had two problems with the utilities. The second one was a minor issue with the power company. They sent us a bill for March, even though we requested that our service start on April 1st. The bill is only for five dollars (plus our setup fees, which are even more), but we don’t want to pay it on principle.

The first and biggest problem was with the phone company. They started our service on Thursday, the 15th just as they said they would, but we didn’t have any dial tone and no one could call in. We called to complain, and they blew us off (saying that they had until 5 pm to get it right). The next day, we got married, and for fairly obvious reasons, we were busy until Tuesday, at which point we still didn’t have an operable phone service. So, we called again and this time, they agreed to sent out a repairman. He could come between 9 am and 7 pm the next day, and if the problem was found to be with the building’s phone system, we would be charged $85 for the repair.

That next day, the repairman showed up shortly after noon, which was long before we expected to see anyone. He was a young guy who patiently explained the concept of demarcation and why the phone company wasn’t responsible for our non-working phone. And then, since he was there anyway, he came in and plugged a little device into our phone line, and then went to the switch box and found that the wires weren’t even connected. He fixed it, and then came back to explain just what he had done. In all, we found him to be very nice and helpful, and he almost made us forget the awful treatment we had received up to that point from the phone company. We almost didn’t mind getting charged $85 (added to the normal setup fees, it cost us $110 to get a phone line here).

So, I’m done with them. I will avoid anything that will put money in their coffers. The local cable company will be offering internet service in about a month, and so we will have no DSL. I will avoid getting any extra services like call waiting, caller ID, or anything like that. When we move, we’ll find another company to do business with. I doubt that our boycott will hurt this monopolistic company in any way, but we’ll make our point anyway, and if they survive, we will only take comfort in knowing that the kind repairman may still have a job.

This Coke is putting me to sleep...

Man, I'm tired.

My mom's Palm m100 that she's had for over three years is finally going in the toilet. It could just be that she keeps it in her purse where it bumps into everything in existence all day, and that when the digitizer alignment screen comes up she sloppily sets it with her finger nail. Then she told me that her clicks are registering in the wrong places. Hm. That's curious.

Well, I have a Sony Clie that I bought a while back. It's the best Palm I've ever had (out of about 20), and ironically, shortly after I bought it, I also bought a Tablet PC and stopped using it.

So it sits in its cradle all day, every day on my desk, and I use it to control WinAmp while I'm playing Half-Life. Well the poor little guy wasn't being challenged at all, was he?

So my mom has the Clie now, and I'm certain it'll get much more use with her. I don't know what I'll do about music during Half-Life now, but my desk is cleaner. I'll miss it, but not terribly much. And it's roughly analogous to her trading in a 1983 Chevette for a 2002 Jeep Cherokee. Sony makes a good handheld.

I watched Brini again this afternoon. It just didn't have the same magic the second time around, so I turned it off. Then again, I'm grumpy lately. Grumpy!

Eric called today to let me know he's alive. He and the missus survived their honeymoon and it's all downhill from here, as they say. I guess there are a few different things that could mean. Heh.

I've got to tell Jeff happy birthday. There's just over an hour of the day left, and I haven't even seen him yet.

Plus, I'm tired.

Nice Shot, Guvnah

Several of them, in fact.

Every Tuesday night I go to Brent's house and play pool with him. Tonight I did particularly well.

It all started at a combined young men's/young women's activity, which Brent was kind enough to host at his house. When I noticed there was a pool table to play on, I went to my car for my cue and then began playing with anyone who dared take the challenge.

Brent noticed some fancy things going on at his pool table, and invited me to come back and play with him regularly on the condition that I teach him as we play. Deal!

So tonight I called four separate shots that seemed impossible and sunk them all. It feels so good to do that. Oh, and I nearly ran a rack on him. I ran my seven balls and the botched an easy shot on the eight because of all the adrenaline.

While playing, we listened to Bob Seger, Paul Simon, and America. All good. I think that the music we listen to while we play really effects my game. We used to play more or less in silence. We'd just chat or his kids would watch a movie in the background. But lately, the classic rock's been going on, and that's when I feel good.

Eric posted a comment on the last post, and it's good to see he's still alive. I suspect he's still at least semi-honeymooning, so I won't ask anything of him just yet. Take it easy, man.

Crystal and I honeymooned on a cruise to Mexico. What a wonderful, funny, awkward time that was. It's been a good five years, and the awkwardness, at least, is all gone. We have our little conflicts now and then. I have a theory that couples need to fight a little every now and then. There's no way you always agree on everything, so if there are no fights, you're not really being open and honest with each other.

But maybe that's a crock of bull, designed to make me feel better about fuming over something stupid I say to Crystal and then get in trouble for. Whoops, was that too frank?

Anyway. Yes, I know that the "official" term for Brini would be a transgendered person, or transsexual, or transvestite. Any of the three can be abbreviated tranny.

The thing is, if you have a penis, I don't care enough about the subculture to call you anything other than a man. Sorry. Call me insensitive if you like. The terminology doesn't bear enough relevance in my life to make getting it right important.

J. Edgar Hoover, for example. Tranny? Quite possibly. But I just don't care. Eh.

So to me, Brini's a man, and there's my point. Whatever else you're going to call him/her/the-entity-known-to-you-puny-mortals-as-Brini, she's got a penis, man. Tranny terminology be damned.

On Friday, I'll be giving my final speech in my Public Speaking class. It's a ceremonial speech about my dog, who died two years ago. I miss her.

I've done fairly well in that class. My biggest problem has been that I talk about geeky things, and my classmates don't quite keep up. One of my speeches was on how hard drives, CDs and RAM work, but I lost a lot of people when didn't have time enough in the speech to further illuminate concepts like lasers shining light on an aluminum surface.

Then I spoke about the RIAA and the EFF, and the ongoing battle between music fans and thick-skulled music industry executives. I did better that time, but I still lost some people on the concept of voluntary collective licensing.

Good heck, it's 1 AM. I'm gonna regret this when I wake up in five hours for school.

I'm Not Clever Enough Today...

...to think of a witty and short and zinger-ish title. So that one will have to do.

First off, Zannah, thanks very much for your comment. I'm sorry to say that the 'matrimony pony' line is not mine, and even more embarrassingly, it came from a Simpsons episode. Otto said it to Bart on the day he was supposed to marry Whatserface in the Simpsons' back yard. Ah, good old Whatserface.

Yesterday my wife pointed out that the piece of apple pie in our fridge...the one I was given at Eric and Becky's luncheon...should be put out of its misery. I snidely remarked that I was thinking of freezing it and giving it to the happy couple in a year or so. You know, in memory of the day.

Now I'm almost afraid to eat it because it's been in the fridge for three days, and who knows how old it was before I got it? Perhaps not even Marie Callendar herself. So I'll eat it in a bit, even with the knowledge that I'm taking my life into my hands. If I'm found dead later today with pie crumbs on the edges of my mouth, my blog-reading public (which amounts to Eric, Leon and Zannah, one of whom is on a honeymoon) will know what happened.

In case you're wondering, Marie Callendar was a real person and restaurateur, unlike that crock, Betty Crocker. So she could know and tell me how old that pie is, if only she could find a way to communicate with me from beyond the grave. Or, maybe she's too busy with the pie business on the other side to pay attention to the temporal enterprise that bears her name. You know what? I'm giving this far too much thought.

Last week I was eating lunch after I got home from school and idly flipping channels. I happened upon the Style Network, which I never watch, and saw the funniest show I’ve seen since I was twelve and discovered late night standup on Comedy Central.

The Brini Maxwell show sucked me in and for the first thirty seconds or so, I wondered if it could possibly be the real deal.

Here's how it works. The host, named Brini (rhymes with genie), is a Martha Stewart type, but a little younger, and completely and firmly stuck in 1956. Remember the orange and olive-green style of that period? Well Brini's all over that. In each segment, she's wearing a different (and fabulous) 1950's outfit, and she gives homemaking tips that I swear I've seen in use in my grandmother's home.

My mom's mother was a Home Economics teacher in the local public school system for thirty years. She didn't retire until a few years ago, and a childhood around her house involved bowls of fake fruit and dinners made from recipes so devilishly complex that only a Home Economics teacher would dare attempt them.

Please don't think that I'm disparaging my grandma. She's a great lady and she's done some amazing things...raising my five aunts and uncles plus my mother, nearly alone while my grandpa was in the Air Force ranking high among them. I'm just saying--at Christmas, she made chocolates and caramel corn snowmen. There is always, ALWAYS, a centerpiece on every table in the house. She had the first bread maker I'd ever seen, used her own home-ground flour in it, and her kitchen is a temple to all things culinary.

The woman is the patron saint of homemaking, and maybe even a demigoddess.

So anyway, this show started setting off all kinds of grandma alarms in my head. And for that first half-minute, the utter retro-ness of it captivated me.

But then I suspected. First off, Brini's patter was far too perfect. Have you ever seen Martha Stewart say something that would make her blush if she weren't on camera? No big deal, right? She may crack a little smile and move on, but that's it.

Brini, on the other hand, plays it completely straight. Completely. Straight. Of course she smiles on cue, and of course her dialog is well thought out. But too much so to be real.

And so I quickly caught on that Brini is having fun with me. As soon as I was in on the joke, I enjoyed the show immensely.

There's one more surprise on the Brini Maxwell show. You see, her mannerisms aren't quite perfect. At first you don't notice, but the more you watch, the more....hmm, well it's hard to say. Enough with the suspense. Brini's a man.

No one thing gives her away: She doesn't have a huge Adam’s apple, her boobs seem perfectly normal, her hands aren't all wrong for a woman, and she certainly sounds like a woman. But, you know? My third minute into the show, I was eighty percent sure she wasn't...uh...pure woman, so I went online to check. Sure enough. She’s mostly man.

My grandmother would vigorously frown on the concept of a man, playing a woman, doing a homemaking show. But I'm not sure that she'd pick up on Brini's manliness, and if she didn't, I think she'd really enjoy it. I'm torn as to whether to record an episode and screen it for her.

Of course, if she stumbles onto (or is directed to) this blog, then the surprise is ruined. That isn't terribly likely, but it's certainly possible.

Her piousness would ruin the content of the show for her. Grandma isn't all that tolerant of those in "alternative" lifestyles. So maybe it's best that I not introduce it to her. If she liked it a lot, she might watch it regularly, and then it's just a matter of time before someone announces the obvious to her. So maybe not. It would be funny, though.

Leon doesn't know yet; I asked out a girl in Institute for him. He's going to call me in an hour or so when he gets off work and then I'll tell him.

Oh, I tried the pie a minute ago. My microwave melted the crap out of the little clamshell box it was in. It wasn't very good, so I let it go. Not to fear, though. I had Tasty's for lunch, and donuts are forthcoming.

HUZZAH!

All apologies for my pessimism. Of course Eric still writes here. Today he got married, and quite naturally, he's been out of the loop. And regarding said marriage...

Picture the following: A beautiful room in a beautiful religious building. A small group of friends and family (about 40) are gathered and seated in the beautiful room to watch, support, and congratulate the bride and groom as they get married and begin a new life together.

Okay, see that back wall? There's a largish guy with a goatee, has his arm around a lovely woman in a gorgeous dress at his side. A bit of a man's man. Striking features. Power tie. Gold wedding band, nice watch.

The ceremony has started, and...what's this? Oh, yes, I'm afraid so. He's bawling his eyes out. The bride and groom's mothers? Not a sniff.

Allergies? A mild case of the sniffles? Clearly not. There are no sneezes, no coughs, no runny nose. No, the poor fool is just an emotionally over-wrought boob.

Lacking the forethought to catch a Kleenex on the way in, the blubbering brute wipes his tears onto his long white shirt sleeve.

And once again, our oaf is me. Oh, good Lord, what IS the matter with me?

So, Eric and Becky, many years beyond happy years to you. I think I was nearly anonymous, but may the record show that I truly am that happy for you. I cried like the big fat baby that I am.