Subtle Changes

So, you may have noticed that some things have changed a little.

First, the blog's name has changed slightly, as you can see above. As well as Phischkneght has served our group, I've set sights on bigger things. Bigger things means more people, and lots of people are intimidated by words they can't pronounce. Thus, the change to FishNet Tech. The URL to the blog will remain the same for now.

Also, we're limited as to what we can do with this web page. I'd like to have the ability to make commerce happen here, and as long as we're hosted by Google as a blog, that won't happen. And so, looking forward, I've bought www.fishnettech.com. Nothing is there yet, so don't bother clicking.

I have a grand vision for FishNet Tech, but not all the blanks are filled in yet, and it's too complex to state here anyway. Many of the chief players in this vision have already been spoken to, but if you feel you should be part of the vision, pull me aside and we'll talk.

Please note that none of this will happen overnight. You're not going to come to read a post next week and see a whole different page. And it's important to me that we maintain the same community attitude that we've fostered all along. So, please keep posting, keep commenting, and most of all, keep reading and referring your friends.

Last week I started running Google AdWords in the top bar on the blog. I got to choose the colors, and I tried to choose a color palette that wouldn't be annoying.

But I had a good laugh when I spotted this ad, right above my post bashing SCO:

So if you're having problems with SCO Unix, you poor sap, there's your ad.

ROCI #5: Corporate Make-Believe (SCO Group, Outback Steakhouse)

Oh, speaking of Utah Mormons in business who make their colleagues look bad...ever heard of a guy named Darl McBride?

This particular tale of woe involves calling your core demographic thieves and then demanding money from them. Sort of sounds like RIAA, doesn't it?

I'm going to summarize SCO's (or rather Darl's) Big Idea here. I'm NOT going to get into proving claims right or wrong, or the specifics of code, or anything technical at all. This is a business strategy post, not a technical one. But, for more information about the nuts and bolts of SCO's gambit, you can check out Groklaw, and their extensive coverage of it. I would start here.

Once upon a time there was a company called Caldera. Caldera was one of the rights-holders on UNIX source code, along with Novell and The Open Group.

Caldera had a CEO (and founder) with a funny name, Ransom Love. In 2002, Caldera got a new CEO, again with a funny name. This was Darl McBride. Darl changed the company's name to SCO Group (stands for Santa Cruz Operation, for where the company was founded).

Darl had a big idea, which I was going to refer to as “Darl’s Big Idea That Will Either Make Oodles Of Money Or Kill SCO,” but the acronym DBITWEMOOMOKSCO is just too unwieldy.

So, Darl's Plan goes like this: "We’ve got UNIX, and our own flavor of Linux, but instead of buying our Linux or Unix OSes, people are using free distros (Linux distributions). How can we get people to start paying us for Linux instead of getting and using it for free? What if," Darl continues, "we claimed that the guys who wrote the core of the Linux OS stole some of our code? Then we could insist that every copy of Linux in use in the world has our intellectual property in it! And then we can demand money from everyone in the world who uses Linux!"

And so The Plan was born. SCO’s first task was to find someone to sue with really deep pockets so that a win in court would bring in a lot of cash and tell the world that SCO means business.

• On March 6, 2003, SCO filed a lawsuit against IBM for $1 Billion.
• On January 20, 2004, SCO filed a lawsuit against Novell for Novell to surrender all claims on UNIX.
• On March 3, 2004, SCO filed a lawsuit against AutoZone for breach of contract with unknown punitive damages.
• On March 3, 2004 (yes, the same date), SCO filed a lawsuit against Daimler Chrysler for breach of contract with unknown punitive damages.

These suits have uniformly not gone well for SCO, and the reason is very simple. SCO’s claims were complete fabrications, and the judges involved with these cases each has an entire cerebral cortex at his disposal.

Now SCO is a curse and a joke among techies worldwide. The SCO brand, once relatively unknown, is permanently damaged among those in the very industry SCO claims to serve. Now that’s a tough crowd.

And it’s because someone got a brilliant idea that should never have left the boardroom. And I mean this: There are great ideas, even terrific ones, which must die on your desk if you want to stay in business.

And on top of that last thought, make-believe is a dangerous game in business. Its consequences can be catastrophic, as seen above, but they can also be miraculous. As is the case with Outback Steakhouse.

You fall into one of two categories. You’ve either eaten at Outback or you haven’t. And if you haven’t, you probably think that going to Outback for a meal will be an Australian experience. This Australian experience has been brilliantly marketed, using tools like radio ads with actors sporting an Aussie accent, logos with kangaroos, and…well, that’s about it.

So that’s all it takes. An accent and a kangaroo, and you’re convinced that this place is Australian. That’s what I thought the first time I went to Outback. I sat at the table, and looked at the walls, decorated with boomerangs and pictures of Paul Hogan. And the menu was littered with Australian place names and “Throw that chook on the barbie 'cause it’s good tucker, mate, and watch your step about the wallaby.”

So, I’d seen it. No reason to go back, because that was Outback’s version of Australia and I had experienced it. Done. And then my meal arrived, and it was delicious.

My meal arrived, and it was delicious. And now when I think of Outback, I don’t think of Australia. The Australia schtick worked exactly as many times as it needed to: Once. Now I go because I like the way they cook steak, and cheese fries, and ribs, and whatever else I order there. And I’ve been there a lot.

The Australian-ness of Outback is all a fantasy. It’s not real. It’s not meant to last. Outback’s management understands that it won’t. You’ll only go once for the ambiance, and if you go back at all, it’s because of great service and great food. But without Australia, Outback is just another steak house. And it makes all the difference to them.

Rule Of Customer Interaction #5: When I was a kid, my dad would sometimes say; "Make your words soft and sweet, for you may soon have to eat them." And corporate make-believe really only comes in two flavors: 1.) Fantasy, and 2.) Deception.
If you deceive your customers, they'll do anything in their power to stop giving you money. But if you give them the right fantasy, and then chase that with something real that's even better than the fantasy (like excellent food, service, dependability, etc...), they'll look for opportunities to let you serve them.

Link Roundup #2

I really liked the last one. So here we go again!

TOWEL DAY IS NEXT WEEK. This May 25th is the five year anniversary if his death, so plan accordingly. I'll be getting my internets installed that day, so I'll likely have a bit of an audience for the affair, comprised of the Comcast installers and my in-laws.

This guy does Tesla Coils. Really, really big Tesla Coils. Lots of purple plasma ahead. My dad helped me build a Tesla Coil when I was in junior high. I think we should build another.

Are you confused about Net Neutrality? ASK A NINJA. Come on, like you know better than a ninja. I mean, he's a ninja, man.

And finally, a funny dance video. No, you'll like this. Really.

Don't Ya Just Love a Good Sandwich?

Hi, I'm Julianne. I'm new. For those of you who may not know me or how I came to be a member of Phischkneght, I'm Krys' wife and Jake's little sister.

When Jake started the ROCI I really took an added interest in what was going on. I like when companys are good to me. All it takes is one bad experience to lose a customer for life.

I asked Jake if I could post so that I could talk about one of my favorite places to eat: Great Harvest Bread Company. I love the place. The Great Harvest on Harrison Blvd. is my favorite. Its conveniently located just half a block from Jamba Juice. What more could you ask for than a fruity pick-me-up and a warm slab of nice, fresh, hot-from-oven-bread?

Their customer service is fabulous. They're always glad to see me, even if its at 7:30 in the morning. The bread is always fantastic. (Krys goes in every Wednesday for the pumpkin bread with chocolate chips. I go on Fridays for the nine-grain.) Get this: they started making sandwiches.

I wasn't feeling well the other day and I sent Krys out for food. He came back with the most amazing roastbeef on wheat sandwich I have ever had. It was perfect. It was exactly the sort of sandwich I would make for myself if I had the stuff. The beef was tender, savory, and plentiful. The lettuce was crisp and fresh. The tomatos were just ripe enough, and they put on avacado spread. Yum. I felt a lot better after that sandwich.

We went back again not long after. We got soup. I love this about this company, if you get some of their very tasty soup, they'll give you a slab of fresh-baked bread to dip into your bowl.

The best thing about it? The cost. It only costs about $6 for the whole shebang. Trust me, its well worth it.

ROCI #4: Corporate Suicide (Totally Awesome Computers)

At first glance, it's hard to know where to begin with TAC. But when I think about it a little more, it's immediately clear: Dell Schanze.

There's been a fair amount of TAC, and more specifically, Schanze bashing on this blog, but I really believe we can take some even-handed lessons from the demise of TAC, and I intend to glean them herewith.

First, this: What do TAC and Enron have in common? Denial. Great big, heaping servings of it. Both of these companies had people at the very top telling their subordinates, "Calm down, everything's fine." Enron and TAC each hid money problems and tried to save the farm by ripping off customers. And Ken Lay and Dell Schanze both insist to this day that they've done nothing wrong, in spite of mountains of evidence to the contrary.

The difference between Ken Lay and Dell Schanze? Shareholders. If Schanze had brought TAC crumbling down with thousands of shareholders to face after doing so, then Dell's claimed need to carry a gun might not be the simple self-delusion that it is.

And before we go on, I'd like to make this clear: I am not anti-gun. I'm anti-stupid.

Dell cares more about guns than he ever cared about TAC. Lay cares more about money than he ever cared about Enron.

And that's sad, and it's a bad sign for a business. A CEO or President position in a company is a commitment that you'll live and have priorities in accordance with the best interests of the business. I shouldn't be CEO of Apple Computer, because I like Windows, and recommend it to my friends. Maybe it's ok for a data-entry drone to go in every day, do his job, and hate the company all the while. But the guy at the top must care.

And even more importantly, he has to have a clue. Ken Lay was approached by his staff within Enron who had concerns about accounting practices. They were dismissed.

I know former members of Dell's inner circle. They told him to stop talking about guns. Stop carrying a gun. Stop putting gun stickers on your trailers. Stop being so crazy in front of media types. Stop buying time on late night TV to talk about religion. Stop comparing yourself to Joseph Smith and Jesus Christ in public. But as you can see below, Dell just doesn't get it.



And so, Jake's Rule of Customer Interaction #4 is a Special Dell Schanze Edition.

ROCI #4: If your staff are telling you something is wrong with the way you're running the company, SOMETHING IS WRONG. You've probably made smart hiring decisions, and if you haven't, then none of this matters anyway. You must listen to the people who have concerns. That's your job. In other words: Don't let your company die because you can't listen or change. If necessary, step down and let someone better suited to the job run the company.

Just What is "Critical" Anyway?

I don’t do Windows Updates as often as I should, but I did so today. I was a bit surprised at one of the critical updates that it wanted to install on my machine. It was Windows Genuine Advantage Notification (KB905474). The description says, “The Windows Genuine Advantage Notification tool notifies you if your copy of Windows is not genuine. If your system is found to be a non-genuine, the tool will help you obtain a licensed copy of Windows.”

What I don’t get is why this is a critical update. Sure, Microsoft would like me to have it, but what’s in it for me? My definition of a critical update is one that improves the security of my machine. There is no compelling reason given for me to download this tool and let Microsoft decide whether the version of Windows that I own really belongs to me. If they are going to cut off updates after determining that I have an invalid copy of Windows, then they should tell me at update time, rather than have me download something that will annoy me to no end if it fails to work properly.

So, until it really becomes critical, it doesn’t get downloaded.

A Consumer's Perspective: The Hungry Bear

When I first started my job, I would often go to lunch with my father at The Hungry Bear, a pizza buffet place in Layton. The pizza wasn’t great, but for the price (and that it was an all-you-can-eat buffet) it was very good. The store is decorated with bear-related items like a large wooden bear, large stuffed bear hides, and a large diorama of a den. Clearly they have had a lot of fun with the theme, and the place has generally had a friendly, welcoming atmosphere.

But business hasn’t seemed to go well for them. They have a large store, but it isn’t ever full, and usually is nearly empty (at least at lunch time; dinner may be busier). Over the course of several visits, we noticed a steep decline in quality and the service. Instead of having several pizzas up at a time, you’d be waiting in line for pizzas that would disappear in moments. The ingredients seemed to be of lower quality, and they were cutting back on cheese (one of the fundamental ways of detecting a cheap pizza is to look for lots of places without any cheese cover). It didn’t take long before we stopped coming.

Today, we decided to give them another shot. It’s been about a year since we had last eaten there, and there was some hope that things had turned around. The parking lot had only a few cars in it, which doesn’t bode well, but when we got inside, we found nearly the same store that we had enjoyed (prior to the decline). The owner and at least one regular employee were both there, and there was enough pizza for the dozen or so people there. I noted a few changes from the earlier days:

First, instead of plastic plates that had to be washed, they had paper plates. These are the thin, cheap ones, and not the classy Chinet variety. They aren’t as good, and certainly not as solid. Greasy pizza and breadsticks quickly soak through, but if it is keeping them solvent, then it’s probably a good place to cut back without skimping on the important stuff (cheese).

Second, they always had at least one whole pizza up, but each pizza they made had about four varieties on it. They were part cheese, part pepperoni, part meat lover’s, and part supreme. Every time a new pizza came up, you knew that there would be something you liked, and typically there would be something for you whenever you went back to the buffet. Granted, this is a step back from when they would ask you what kind of pizza you wanted as you came in (so they could be making the kinds the customers liked), but it accomplishes the same effect, and in a way that keeps things flowing better.

Third, the bathroom wasn’t so vile. In the past, I couldn’t stand to be in there, but now I just feel a general sense of being in a place where people sometimes don’t wash their hands.

I know that this all sounds like back-handed compliments, but basically this is a nice, economy pizza place, and I commend them for doing what they can to make it work without selling cardboard pizzas. I have always liked the people there, and I hope that they succeed.

Phischkneght's 200th Post! YAY!

Pleasure first, then business. Tonight's post? A LINK ROUNDUP! YEE-HAW!


This Russian page with examples of cloned Disney animation cels left me flabbergasted. The one at the bottom, involving Robin Hood and Snow White is amazing.




I humbly ask that you consider doing your part to Fire Orrin Hatch. He's not technology friendly, and he's got a competitor for Senate this year who I think will do great things if he wins: Pete Ashdown. Please take a look.



I lifted the above photo from a post over at Creating Passionate Users. If learning how to market is at all interesting to you (Crystal, I'm looking in your direction), then have a glance at this.

What do you know? There is intelligent life in the music industry. Just not in the RIAA. Musical artist Jane Siberry has decided to let customers pay what they feel her music is worth to them, and then download that music in non DRM encumbered MP3 format. And the kicker is that she's written a letter to her fans saying that if they don't want to pay, they can just accept the music as a gift from her. And then she gives payment statistics right on the site. I think I'll scrounge up a little cash and buy this album.

Here's an excellent article by the authors of Freakonomics about a highly-paid statistician who quit to sell bagels on the honor system in corporate offices. He never gives up his statistics work, even in bagel mongering, and learns a lot about people, and businesses, and honesty in general. Highly recommended.

Finally, if you'd like to see Phischkneght get burned all to hell by Martians, click here.

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I never said that all posts from here on out would be ROCI's.

And Leon, Eric, Krys...have you all forgotten how to write? Eric does have an excuse: His own blog. But still, that's not a very good excuse. I hope you guys don't feel that I've hijacked this blog and that it's all mine now. "Forum" is still in the name, and I hope that it can remain so.

CORRECTION: Subway's free stuff now costs roughly twice as much as before, not more than twice as much as before. They changed the point structure so that 75 points now buys you a 12" sandwich, instead of 90 points. I've got about two free ones left.

I've heard nothing at all from Tasty's, which makes me wonder if Lane ever got my business card to the upper management-types at Tasty's. I'll have to go back soon and inquire.

And last of all, this really and truly is Phischkneght's 200th post. This is a thought that simply tickles me. Maybe I'll do a podcast or something in celebration. Maybe.

ROCI #3: Tiered Excellence (Leatherman)

I used to be a Swiss Army man. I didn't go anywhere without my Swiss Army knife in my pocket.

As a scout camp staffer, this served me relatively well, except for two things: 1) I always ended up losing my knife, and 2) pliers were always a problem.

I lost two nice Victorinox knives on my mission, and shortly after I came home, I found myself looking for something better. I still remember standing at Gart's Sports poring over all the potential knife selections.

I finally found a Leatherman that I liked. The price was close to what I would have paid for a new Victorinox (the finer Swiss Army brand, in my opinion), the tool seemed well-milled, and I felt that it would end up more useful than my previous choices had.

Since then, I've bought four or five new Leatherman tools. I like them. I use them hard. I wear mine everywhere but church and bed. I currently carry Leatherman's premium offering, a Leatherman Charge XTi. I won't go into the features here, but I think it suffices to say; this tool does more than grab stuff and cut stuff.

What I really want to talk about here is Leatherman's use of tiering. All of Leatherman's tools are made of basically the same stuff. Sure, some titanium handles here and some really hard steel there make for small differences, but by and large, it's all just plain old stamped steel.

When I bought my Charge XTi, I gave my Leatherman Wave, their former premium product, to my Dad. I love my Dad, and I was proud to give him such a fine tool.

The Leatherman Charge and the Leatherman Wave are almost exactly the same tool. The main difference between them is that the Charge has about 1.5 ounces of titanium that makes up the handles instead of the standard steel that they normally use. I just checked, and titanium runs about $11.00 a pound, which translates to about $1.03 for 1.5 ounces. The blades and bit options are a little fancier on the Charge, and I'm guessing that the extra fanciness raises production costs by $5 or so, at the maximum, per tool.

So, at the outside, we're talking a $6 difference in actual cost between these two tools. Take a moment to guess the price difference between them on Amazon. Go ahead; you'll probably be pretty close!

It's about $25. I was willing to pay the extra $25 (actually more because the tool was new at the time) for the updated premium product because of fancier blades, titanium handles, and gee whiz factor.

Now, please observe the humble Leatherman Kick . It has the same Leatherman plier jaws as almost every other Leatherman model. It's made of the same steel. The knife blade is every bit as sharp as the factory-new edge on a Wave or Charge. And yet, it only costs $30.

It costs $70 less than my current Leatherman, and I'm confident that the company still makes a pretty generous margin on this item. And the Charge can't possibly cost $70 more to produce.

Likewise, the Leatherman Micra (pictured below), Pulse, and Core lines provide different features, price points, and similar build materials and quality.

You see, Leatherman wants you for a customer no matter how much you want to spend. If I only want to blow $25 on a knife that will jet around on my keychain, Leatherman has me covered. If I just want to buy someone a functional gift for under $50 that won't get scoffed at, Leatherman has a place for me. If you happen to be a MythBuster, you tote a Leatherman Wave. If you're an alpha geek and you pack a Leatherman Charge XTi, you paid $100 or more for your you-can't-get-this-at-Wal*Mart grin.

And tiered products are everywhere:

• Dell wants you to spend money with them whether you're looking for an entry-level laptop for $450 or a fully-loaded XPS gaming laptop for $4832. (I pulled this price directly off of www.dell.com just now.)
• The movie theater charges you for a tiered experience. Want to see the movie on opening day rather than in a dollar theater? Want popcorn? Soda? Video games? These are all experiential add-ons that the theater knows some people are willing to pay for and some aren't.
• Why do some MagLights take six "C" cell batteries while others only need two of them? Product tiering.
• Why does Sony offer me 150 TV models between the 1.5" portable LCD TV for $75 and the 52" DLP High-Def set for $7500?
• Why are there so many different Nintendo GameBoy models?
• Why are there about 8 different kinds of Coke at the supermarket?
• Why is there a big Wal*Mart in my city that's a couple of miles away and a little Wal*Mart that's only two blocks from my house? (Hint: Prices are not always the same at these two Wal*Marts.)
• Why do private schools exist at all? (Sometimes a whole business is a single tier.)

What I left out above about Leatherman is that I have used their warranty. Did you know that Leatherman's standard warranty is 25 years? 25 YEARS! If my son breaks my Charge in 15 years when he's 19 years old, Leatherman will replace it for free.

Again, if the kind of business insight you need is "Offer an excellent product and give really good warranty service," then this is not the place for you. Clearly, running a market-leading business must involve the concepts embodied above. But to really kick some proverbial ass in the marketplace, it will sure help to have a firm grasp on this:

Jake's third rule of customer interaction:

Tier your product in such a way that you will serve budget, mainstream, and premium users. This will keep customers on the premium end from going to a competitor for features and quality, and it will keep customers on the budget end from looking to competitors for a better deal. It will also establish brand loyalty because it encourages customers to buy more products for different locations and tasks, complete collections, and transition to different product tiers.

ROCI #2: Customer Dialog (Tasty's Donuts)

I always think so much more clearly when I've written things down.

I've decided to trade in my Subway Club points for free sandwiches, and start going to Tasty's instead whenever possible. Half of why I've decided this is in the previous post about Subway. In general, I don't cough up enough positive company reviews on this blog, so here's one for the books.

Tasty's Donuts (motto: Try Me, I'm Tasty!) is a Utah-based donut and sandwich shop franchise. In the last five years or so, they've worked really hard to upscale their locations. It's worked. The Tasty's in Layton is spacious, comfortable, and has 1950's-era poster-sized family photographs on the walls with bags of Tasty's donuts photoshopped in. The brand is zany and lovable. When I was in high school, they had a regal donut mascot with arms, legs, eyes, and a crown.

Ah-hah! I guess he's still around!


I forgot about the scepter and bow tie. How could I be so silly?

Anyway, it's a great brand, but that's not why we're here. We're here so that I can tell you why I love Tasty's.

1. Their sandwiches are really good. The produce is more fresh than at Subway, the meat tends to be cut thicker, and the bread is really great. Subway bread is good, but rises a lot and ends up really fluffy and tall. Tasty's bread isn't heavy, but it's substantial enough to hold a sandwich together and it has the added bonus of you can fit it in your mouth.
2. Their donuts are really good. Krispy Kreme doesn't have a thing on Tasty's. They're that good.
3. The service is always great. It doesn't matter if I drive up or walk in. Tasty's employees treat me like the gold that I am, whether they recognize me or not. (I'm still nobody, anyway.)
4. When they mess up my order, I point it out and they make it right.

No matter how good your business is at what it does, you'll screw up from time to time. Proper handling of customer complaints can define your brand.

One day about two years ago, I ordered lunch at the drive through at Tasty's. After I left, I discovered the wrong size sandwich in my bag, and no free donut. I called the phone number on the receipt expecting someone at the store, and instead got Tasty's corporate office.

The guy on the line asked what the issue was, and I explained that the store had messed up my order. He asked how much I had spent, I said it was about $6, and then he took my address. The next day, there were six Tasty Bucks in my mailbox. Amazing.

On Friday, I went to Tasty's for lunch in the middle of a busy day. The lady at the register is friendly and chatty, and when I handed her my business credit card, she and I began talking about business. It was a delight to talk to her.

Today, I made sure to go back. There was a teenaged guy at the register. He greeted me positively, even giddily. When I chuckled at his exuberance, he kept it right up, and appeared to have a wonderful time serving me. Tomorrow I'm stuck having lunch in Salt Lake, but you could put pretty good odds on my ending up at Tasty's on Wednesday.

Here's the bad news. Tasty's may be on hard times. I don't know this for sure, but I do keep my eyes open.

• They closed a store near Weber State University recently. I was sad to see it go, but I did go there often, and I never saw the place full. The Layton store frequently fills up.
• They've pulled gelato from the stores. I never once saw anyone order some. I'm not sure if this is belt-tightening or just pulling the plug on an idea that didn't fly.
• Their web site is completely offline. You can pull Google caches of parts of it, but they let their domain name expire in October of 2005.

But this is interesting. Again, I know nothing, I'm on the outside. I've just noticed the above and I'm connecting dots. Maybe correctly, maybe not.

What's interesting about it is what it means if they are in trouble. Tasty's has not made me suffer for their hardships. If I were any other customer, I probably wouldn't have noticed the three points above, and would leave the store with my meal thinking nothing is unusual at all.

Tasty's is obeying the first rule (Don't punish customers for internal problems). Subway did not. Tasty's costs a little more. I don't care.

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Now. That was a really great review, especially from me. I lean critical in my musings, and I'm very picky. Having said that, I'm going to offer advice to Tasty's.

• Re-open your web page. What I saw in the Google cache was creative and cheerful. Well done, but now it's gone. To folks like me, your web page is your front door. Give me a place to link when I say nice things about you.
• Don't change a thing with your staff hiring and training. They're great. Especially the older lady at the Layton store. She's courteous and clever.
• Consider adding free Wi-Fi hotspots to your stores. When I was a student at WSU Davis campus, I'd frequently stop in for a meal and leave. If you had free Wi-Fi, I'd have stayed and eaten more (and left more cash in your register).
• Give me options for a healthier 6" bundle. Drop the donut, make my soda a bottle of water, and replace my fries with something that won't harden my arteries.
• Get a little more creative with the sandwiches and breads. Can you make a bread with cheese baked onto it like Subway? Can you offer me a sandwich with cream cheese like Einstein's? Can you do something entirely original and surprise me?

Tasty's is doing a lot of things right, which is why I've been so nice here. I'm excited about making the Rules Of Customer Interaction a regular thing, but at the same time, "Be cheerful and have a good product," is just far too obvious. If you need that rule enumerated, then you probably don't need the rest of them anyway.

So I'm writing this episode's ROCI in the hope that Tasty's will follow it and sell like crazy, and take the bigger guys' customer bases right out from under them. Here it is:

Jake's Second Rule Of Customer Interaction:

A customer talking about you is an opportunity for dialog, brand growth, company refinement, and bottom line enhancement. Don't let such opportunities slide by. Gather people who are good at exploiting opportunities, and find a way to turn it to your benefit.

The added benefit of this rule is that it turns ground already covered into a rule. Now I can sleep at night.

UPDATE:

Today I ended up at Tasty's for lunch, as predicted. The giddy teen mentioned above was at the register again, and it turns out his name is Lane. Welcome to the blogosphere, Lane. And the older lady there mentioned above is Teresa, according to Lane.

I handed him a card with a TinyURL address on the back that points here, and told him that I'd written about the store on my website. He offered me a free donut. DO YOU SEE WHY I LOVE THIS PLACE? He actually gave me two free ones. Thanks, Lane!

I wanted to clarify one more thing: I sincerely hope, and would readily believe, that Tasty's is just fine financially. Since I wrote this post, I've heard unflattering things about the franchisee that ran the Harrison Tasty's, and they seem to make sense. The gelato thing was probably just a good business decision. The closed website is the big question mark for me. I hope that if we hear from someone high in the Tasty's hierarchy, they'll have something to say about that one.

-Jake.

New Regular Feature: Jake's Rules Of Customer Interaction

I'm frequently peeved at the clueless ways in which the big boys deal with customers. Sometimes, it's just one store, or just one region, and sometimes the stupidity envelopes the entire chain.

I'm just guessing here, but I'm pretty sure that I'm bothered by this often enough that I can begin writing about it regularly. If I can do that, then I can make my own little guide. Thus, "Jake's Rules Of Customer Interaction."

My motivation for writing this is not only to get my views out there. Oh sure, I'd love it if the business world dropped everything and read my posts to get a pulse of what's going on out there. But that isn't going to happen. What I really want is insurance against a coming age of similar cluelessness. I know a lot in bursts, and sometimes I forget a lot of really important things that were once fresh to me. I want a place to read from a younger, more in-touch-with-the-consumer-mindset, clueful me. And that is this place. Off we go!

A semi-relative is getting married. She, and her semi-relatedness are unrelated, and her husband is mostly irrelevant also. Mostly.

He used to work at a Subway near my former home in Clinton. This was the period of 2000-2002 or so. At the time, Subway as a chain (as I got the story) was having a problem with stolen rolls of stamps.

You probably already know this, but Subway had for years a loyalty reward program that dealt with filling a card up with stamps and trading it in for free food. You had to make purchases to get stamps, unless you found a way to steal a roll of stamps from a Subway restaurant. Then you'd have a free 12" sandwich for every 12 stamps (or was it 10?) you licked and stuck to Subway Club cards.

I've heard that for a while, you could even buy counterfeit stamps on Ebay and pull the same scam with the same result.

As I was told, for a time each Subway location was to determine on its own what to do about stamp fraud. Some stores made no changes, and some decided to punish customers.

I'm not going to sugar coat this. The Subway stores that did anything but business as usual were punishing customers for an internal problem. This is an extremely unwise business strategy.

In light of this threat, the Clinton store first made the policy that only stamps from that store would be honored. I worked, went to friends' houses, and went on other trips at the time, and I'd generally end up with stamps from three or four Subway locations on each card. But my home Subway no longer wanted my stamps. I was unhappy, and I told the store manager as much. But why listen to customers? What do they know?

Next, this Subway decided that they would keep the Subway Club cards in a recipe box at that Subway. If you were a customer and you wanted a stamp, then you would have to put your name, address, and phone number on a card so that they could pull your card out of the box and apply the stamps themselves the next time you came in for a sandwich.

The privacy implications alone make my libertarian heart scream. I chewed on the manager for a while, and told her that I wouldn't be coming back unless they fixed it.

About six months later, I went back in. An employee there (might be the guy that's getting married) said he hadn't seen me in a while and thought I'd never come back. I asked him if the store had corrected its course, he said no, I left. I haven't been to that Subway since.

"But what about the new Subway Cards?"

Now when I go to a Subway, I hand a plastic card with a mag stripe on it to the clerk, and he/she puts a point onto it for every whole dollar I spend at the restaurant. I like Subway sandwiches a lot, and I generally carry 600-700 points on my card at any given time. Sometimes I use a few of them, but mostly I just let them rack up. The kid running the register frequently utters something like "OMGWTF?" when he/she sees how many points I have, and I usually make a joke about saving up for the Subway Cadillac. This is how we play our game. But is it ok?

There are two problems with the new card program.

First, if you pay attention, the free stuff actually costs more than double now. Six 12" sandwiches used to earn me 12 stamps, which amounted to a free 12" sandwich. If a 12" sandwich runs $5-7, then I spent $30-$42 for each free sandwich. Now a free 12" sandwich costs me 90 points, which is easy, because that means $90 whole dollars spent at the register, not including the change I spent on each purchase. If my purchase total came to $4.92, that's 4 points according to their rules.

So I'm being rewarded less than half as much, or I'm paying more than twice as much for the same reward as before. You can see it how you choose. Either way, Subway is getting screwed less (no stolen stamps), and I'm getting screwed more.

Second, Subway brought in the sandbags when the storm had already done the damage. The Clinton store management had already left me outraged and not spending money at Subway with no solution in sight. Subway had already punished their customers for a good couple of years before the first new Subway Cards were being handed out. They lost money because they couldn't swallow the idea of giving away a few more fraudulent sandwiches before they could get the new program in place.

Thank you, Krys, for helping me put words to the above idea.

Subway, Subway. For all your "Doctor's" this and "Fresh" that, you and all the king's marketers couldn't have seen this coming? Maybe I'm giving you too much business even today, in the age of digital points.

And so I give you, and all the world, and most of all me:

Jake's First Rule Of Customer Interaction:

Don't punish your customers for internal problems. Solve them from the inside out, and make the solution apparent to the customer only when absolutely necessary.

And thus it is written. Good night, brothers and sisters.

Hey, Look Over There, It's Free Advertising!

And that's what this post is all about, indirectly.

More to the point, this post is about openenness, respect for customers, brand growth and defense, and web savvy. And I'm going to do all this in less than five yards of column inches. Substantially less, I hope.

Here's the problem. I've used this blog over the last two years to call several businesses to repentance regarding customer handling and nonsensical internal practices. Archos, Baja Fresh, Acronis, Video Professor, and others have received fairly thorough bashings from me here, in this semi-public forum (anyone can read here, only a few can post here, anyone can comment here).

All of these companies have made obvious and embarrassing mistakes in reply to these posts, chief among these being simply ignoring the post.

The one exception, Acronis, made nearly as embarrassing a mistake in allowing a first-tier agent to post his not-so-well thought out rebuttal to my post, spelling mistakes and all, here for all the world to see.

Now this is just sad. Aren't any of these companies familiar with a neat little up-and-comer called Google? Right, gotcha, I know I'm not a huge PageRank contender. But other people are, and they're writing about these companies and not getting responses. And even more importantly, maybe someday my blog will be higher up in the PageRank stats.
Q: What then?

A: It will be too late, and that's worse than it sounds. There are two negatives here. I call them the Shame and the Real Tragedy.

The Shame is that I won't get my question answered. My readers and friends will wonder why the company wasn't smart enough to answer my question. They'll ask me if I ever heard back from that company, and when the answer comes back no, they'll think twice about doing business with that organization. That's the Shame; lost sales more or less up-front because the company powers simply don't care enough to have people watching for this sort of thing and taking care of it.

But as the name implies, the Real Tragedy is much worse, and it involves the differences between doing nothing, and doing something, and doing something great.

Let's use Acronis as an example. My complaint was that their hard disk management software wrecked my server. That's reason enough to trash talk the company, but I'm an even-handed guy, and I wanted to see if they would care enough about the issue to re-sell me on the company.

They did something, albeit poorly, and they deserve credit for that. To their discredit, they attempted to pass the buck, stating that it was the fault of Windows that Windows wouldn't boot any more after using their software. This is pretty ridiculous on its face, but if you'd like all the gory details and my point-by-point debunking of their reply, you can find the post here.

There are many ways to do a thing well, and there are many ways to screw a thing up. Our example, Acronis, had an abundance of choices that they had already made before I came along that would determine how I was dealt with.

And so my first proposal is this: Get your company to make a uniform policy on dealing with blog and forum posts and be proactive when dealing with brand attacks. The proactive thing is too smart to have come from me. See the above link for more about that.

Acronis' policy at the time was: "When a blogger complains in a public area of the internets, do nothing." I know this, because their tech support agent was clearly acting on his own, and had the company made a policy for this situation, I would have been given a response that at very least had been run through spell check first.

And that spell checked public reply would have been a step in the right direction. You can pretty much fill in the blanks on how they could have made the situation better for me and them all at once, or if you can't, you can see the suggestions I wrote at the time in the post linked to above.

That they didn't do this is not the Real Tragedy. The Real Tragedy is that they didn't do more than this. It really is a shame, because people are making all kinds of money on the net these days by doing unusually brilliant things. What about this....

Dear Jake-

We're so sorry you had a problem with Disk Director. Perhaps you're right about having a warning message before performing operations that may break Windows. Thank you for bringing our attention to this problem. We'll have our developers look at it right away.

Because we appreciate your help in this matter, we'd like to give you a free license for any one software product that we offer, and we'd also like to give the first 25 of your readers who comment to this post a free license for Acronis Disk Director, the premier disk utility available today, for free.

Simply send us their names and email addresses when you've collected the 25, and we'll send them license keys and download links.

Best Wishes,

Some Internal Functionary,
Acronis Software

THIS IS NOT A NEW IDEA! It's just a really smart idea that no one has tried since the first time. The makers of X1 Desktop Search had a problem when Google announced their own desktop search product, which was free. So X1 teamed up with a blogger and gave away 100 licenses to people who 1.) Linked to that post from their own blog, and 2.) posted a comment with their blog address and the email address to send the license to. It was brilliant. Jason Calacanis, the guy who owned that blog, got a boost, X1 Software got a boost, and I got a free X1 license worth $75. If you look, I'm commenter #55.

Now, 1.5 years later, I still recommend X1 Desktop Search over Google Desktop Search to anyone who asks, even though I still have never used my free license! EVER! That's almost embarrassing, but it isn't the point.

The point is that X1 had a huge competitor with a free product to contend with, and instead of doing business as usual, they did something outstanding. And now they're thriving. Curious, isn't it?

I propose that the Real Tragedy of ignoring user forums and blogs is not simply losing a few sales or displeasing a few geeks. It's losing the opportunity to make your brand outstanding by being different and innovative.

1.5 years ago, I would never have paid $75 for desktop search software. But now I'm considering using my X1 license, and if I didn't already have one, I'd consider dropping $75 on one. Why? Because there are enough people who feel that X1's product is so much better than Google's product that they're willing to pay the $75, and maybe if they're willing to spend that much on it, it's really worth it. Or it could just be that they're still around because they did something bold in the shadow of Google's 800 lb. software gorilla.

Archos missed a chance to talk to a card-carrying geek about what he wants to spend money on when it comes to an MP3 player.

Baja Fresh missed a chance to talk about what went wrong when they catered my party. Now they won't know why I've never gone back.

Acronis could have graciously admitted that their software broke my server, and creatively fostered goodwill. They missed that boat.

John Scherer of Video Professor has an opportunity to shine staring him in the face, but I've not heard a peep from him or any of his people.

CEOs must hire creative people to develop, market, and support a product. If you are the CEO, why not choose one of these creative geniuses to spearhead an initiative to manage your online brand? Have your genius do a daily Google search for new mentions of your product, and proactively reach out to those complaining. Don't let the ranters turn you off of making a bad review better. Make sure that there is special routing for messages coming in from people who want to hear from your company in a forum or blog. Create dialog with these people and find pain points in your product to fix. Be an eager listener to your customers if you want them to stay as customers.

Most of all, I liked writing this above so I'll repeat it: make your brand outstanding by being different and innovative.

Now, if I can just find that X1 Desktop Search license key...

UPDATES:

I found my X1 key, and I'm closer than ever to installing and trying it.

Also, I fixed the above link to Jason Calacanis' blog where the X1 contest happened.

Order Of Business: Suspending Confessions Of A Budding Entrepreneur

Phischkneght has become my business, and I conveniently already have a blog by that name. Also, That's where all of my posts seem to go whether they're about business or otherwise.

So there's really no point in maintaining a separate blog for entrepreneurial ideas. They will be posted at Phischkneght from now on, and as usual.

I'm not going to delete Confessions Of A Budding Entrepreneur, and I'm not going to move the posts there over to Phischkneght. I'm going to keep COABE as insurance in case I want to use it later. So officially, it's on indefinite hiatus.

Thank you.

EDIT: Contributors of COABE are still welcome to post there, and if they did so enough, I'd be inclined to follow suit. That door is still open, it's just not currently in use.

Video Professor Doesn't Want My Money

Obviously, I haven't been posting enough. I'm constantly thinking of things to write about, but then I get to work on a PC or five and there goes the day.

I'm thinking that maybe I should set my PocketPC to ring at a set time every day, and wherever I am, whatever I'm doing, I'll write a little and then post it as soon as convenient. Maybe.

But anyway, here's what's on my mind. I've been running my PC business since January. Things are going well. I'm learning a lot, and I've been a little feast-or-famine lately, but I think my trend is good so far.

Running your own business exclusively gives you a perspective on business and economy that nothing else will. Here's an example.

You've probably heard of the Video Professor. He's the guy on TV that says that if you don't know or are struggling with a computer program like Excel, PowerPoint, Outlook, Quicken, and so forth, he'll send you CDs with lessons on them to try, and if you don't want to keep them, you can send them back and only pay the shipping.

Here's why this is an incredibly smart business model:

1. CDs are dirt cheap to press. He probably pays 10-25 cents per pressed disc (maybe less). If there are three discs in each lesson set, we'll be liberal and say that's $1 worth of discs, and another $1 worth of printed materials. He charges $8-12 (in my experience) to ship the package to you, and probably pays USPS $1.25 or so to First Class the parcel to your house. If we figure that's about $3.25 of up-front costs to get it to you, then his (exorbitant) shipping charge nets him about $5 (or more) even if you fall off the face of the earth after he sends it to you. He says it's free, you think it's free, and he still makes $5 if you disappear. Smart? Damn right it is.
2. If you forget to return a disc so that you don't have to pay the $80 for the set, then he already has your credit card number and authorization to charge to it. Genius!
3. If you do return a disc to avoid paying further, you still have his marketing materials and will treasure them, because he has assigned an artificial value to them: $80. HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT THE DISC HE'S GETTING BACK!!! It doesn't matter! He probably trashes it, but you having to send the disc back to avoid paying sells you on the value of the rest of the set. He doesn't want the other discs and printed stuff back because it's advertising that you paid to get from him! I love it.
4. Finally, if you really aren't a technical type, and everything in one of these training kits is a revelatory experience, then $80 can be a really great deal. You don't even have to leave your home. I'm sure there are plenty of people who are happy to pay it. For me, it's way overpriced. I usually learn a couple of tricks from Disc 3, and the rest is a waste of my time. That's not worth $80, but I'm also not the target market. He's got a great market, and I'm sure he's making a killing, $5, and then $80 at a time.
   

Do you see why this is a doozy of a business? He makes money on you coming and going, and then he sells you on keeping his ads around so that the next time you have a computer problem, you think of him. It takes a special kind of entrepreneur to come up with a business model like this, and he usually only has to do it once. Then he retires in Maui.

But there's trouble in paradise.

I have my wife using QuickBooks Pro for our small computer business. She's smart, and very PC literate, but QuickBooks is a comprehensive, complex program, and it's been difficult for her to adjust to it. So I ordered the Video Professor QuickBooks Pro lessons, fully intending to send back a disc before the deadline so I don't have to pay $80 for the set. I did this same thing with the Vid Prof Outlook, Access, and FrontPage sets, so it's no big deal for me by now.

But when Crystal called to arrange to send a disc back, they told her that I've ordered from them three times now (Outlook, Access, FrontPage, QuickBooks...isn't that four?), and I'm only supposed to do it once, so I can't order again.

Ok. Now, John W. Scherer, Founder and CEO of Video Professor, I'm talking to you. What's the deal with this? You and I both know that:

• You make money whether I keep the whole set and pay the $80 or not.
• I'm keeping the materials that you send because you've magically convinced me that they're valuable.
• I'll pay you to send me advertisements again when I need a little help with another program.
• One of these times I just may keep the whole set and happily pay $80.
• Even if I don't, my grandma might at my recommendation.
• (And now that you know I have a PC business,) My clients might too, at my recommendation.

But now, I'm hesitant to even try doing business with you again, and I certainly won't recommend a service to my clients that I feel shaky about.

Was this a rogue employee? Do you really not want me to try your products again? Can it really be that you don't want recommendations from me just because I'd rather pay you $5 than $85?

And I'm not being sarcastic here. I really do admire the smart business model, and I really am mystified by the incongruity of what I'm hearing from your phone agent. And I would genuinely love to hear from you about it, Mr. Scherer. If you're so inclined, please drop me an email at slybevel**at**gmail**dot**com, on or off the record; it's up to you. I'd love to post your reply here, but if that's not ok with you, I'll respect your wish.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Today, Phischkneght is two years old, thanks to my good friend Eric.

I'm happy to report that a silly word I made up in high school has become a weblog, a bit of a technical community, a second, sister weblog for longer stuff, and now...an LLC.

The new technical company I founded back in January was and is called Phischkneght Works And Services, LLC.

Now for the good news: Phischkneght is profitable, has clients, has checks coming in, and has what looks to be a bright future. May I humbly wish the same for all Phischkneght participants.

Business Tools

This is courtesy of my buddy Alex Lawrence, who is a local entrepreneur and runs a blog called "A Day In The Life Of A Self-Made Entrepreneur."

Alex's most recent post involves the tools he finds critical for his business. The link to his blog above will take you directly to the post. He invited his readers to comment on the post and to add whatever they felt would benefit the post. So here are my comments:

Alex, this list is great. You'll have to put me in touch with the Exchange Server for $5 deal.

Here are my comments on your above points, and maybe I can add a few while I'm at it.

• RSS feeds: Boy, are you right about that one. My Bloglines account is currently watching 39 RSS feeds, but in the past I've had it over 70. It's a lot of reading, but it means that I stay on top of tech and business. I remember trying to remember to visit each website and check for updates every day before RSS came along. Thank goodness for it.
• My rule on monitors is as follows: The more you work in front of a computer, the more desktop space you should have access to. I'm a computer specialist, so I run triple LCDs; a 19" in the middle, flanked by two 17" models. I'm writing this on the right-hand monitor, Firefox (another critical tool) is on the central monitor, and the left-hand monitor has two instances of Windows Explorer and the Task Manager. When I really get rolling, I have 6-8 windows on each monitor. The more I can see, the faster I can work, and the fewer errors I'll make.
• A great laptop PC: Amen, brother. I understand if you don't want to get into brands, but I've seen too many of my clients buy an off-brand laptop, only to have problems with the laptop and then further problems getting service for it. If you don't need a fancy laptop, buy a Dell and an extended warranty for it (I'm a big fan of buying refurbished Dells cheap and then buying a warranty on top of that.). If you do need a fancy laptop, buy a Toshiba or a ThinkPad and an extended warranty. A three year, full-coverage warranty is generally about $350, and it's a darned good deal if you ever need an LCD replaced. Or a hard drive, or a complete system. Mine is a Toshiba Tablet PC, so I can jot down notes on the screen with the digital pen. It's light, it's powerful, and it's got 1GB of RAM so I can really get work done.
• High Speed Internet: My home connection is 7MB down and 1MB up. This is way more than most people need, but in January I actually exceeded my 100GB bandwidth allotment. I do a lot of file management. I couldn't do business without a very fast connection.
• Never eat alone: I'm working on this one. I'm pretty much just starting out, and it's hard to know who to ask to lunch all the time. The book you referred to is Keith Ferazzi's "Never Eat Alone." Here’s the link to his Never Eat Alone Blog.
• You golf, I play 9-ball. Or 8-ball, or Cutthroat. I love to play billiards, and I'm a pretty good shot. You get me talking over a pool table, and laughing so I can't make shots, and you get to really see who I am.
• Bluetooth Headset: Dang, gotta get me one of those. I've had a bluetooth-enabled PocketPC phone since October, but I don't have a wireless headset for it yet. But yours is another in a long line of recommendations, so maybe it's time.

Stuff you forgot:

• Firefox: What would I do without Firefox? I research business concepts and technical projects constantly. In the dark ages when I had to use Internet Exploder, that meant I'd have lots of IE windows open on my PC and lots of popups, too. Firefox allows me to open web pages in tabs so that I can have it all on one window. And it automatically blocks popups. And it's not vulnerable to almost all of the spyware and viruses that IE can infect you with. And it's free! It's just all-around warm and fuzzy. And did I mention it's free?
• A USB flash drive: I carry my critical files around in my pocket, on a 2GB USB flash drive. I also have a version of Firefox (link is to Portable Firefox) on it that runs on any PC without having to be installed on that PC, and it moves my favorites and cookies around with it, instead of leaving them on the PC (Did I mention it’s free?). Very handy.
• A Leatherman: I'm a guy who carries a knife wherever he goes. I don't fly much, so it's usually not an issue from a security standpoint. I don't like to see something broken, wherever I am. Broken things bother me. So I fix them whenever I can, and that usually involves my Leatherman's pliers, screwdriver, or blades. Don't leave home without your knife.

I could babble on for ages, but I think I'd better wrap it up. This is an interesting topic to me, so I'll be posting this on my blog, and I'll link back to your post. Thanks Alex!

Wikipedia Doesn't Know What A Roof Is

And I don't really understand it myself. But Eric does.

I've been watching MIT's Professor Lewin's Physics lecture videos. He's one of the better math instructors I've ever seen, and I'm really enjoying the videos. The funny thing is, Prof. Lewin is a really funny guy, but his students never, never laugh. Ever. So I'm glad I'm not in that class.

Anyway, MIT is offering the videos to anyone who wants them, anywhere in the world, for free. The problem is, they want you to stream the videos. In Real format. **BARF**

MIT's pages for these Physics lectures are the following three links, one for each semester:

Semester 1
Semester 2
Semester 3

Fortunately, MIT themselves provide a way for you to download the videos rather than stream them. The solution, given here, is to change the link to the video from one of Akamai's servers, to one of MIT's servers. There are about 100 video files, so harvesting the links and altering them one at a time is a pretty awful process.

So, I've done the work, and I don't see any reason that you should have to also. I'm posting the links to the direct downloads on PhischX, if you want them. Again, it's about 100 videos covering three semesters of Physics lectures, and if you download all of them, you'll need about 9.5GB of free space on your hard drive. And a really fast connection to the internet, or several days to waste waiting for downloads.

The post on PhischX will look just like this one, except below the text you've already read will be lots and lots (and lots) of links. Ok? OK!

Oh, and finally, if some time has gone by, and you can no longer find the post just by cruising over to PhischX, HERE'S THE LINK!

“Son, stocks may rise and fall, ... People are no damn good, but they will always need land and they'll pay through the nose to get it!”

In my recent posting dearth, quite a bit has happened. I don’t feel like providing a complete update, but I can hit on some of the highlights.

In late October, we moved out of our apartment, and in to my mother’s basement. This was so that we could be more diligent at saving money, which took us a while to get going with, but has been working well lately. This is a non-ideal situation, since it robs us of most of our personal space, and if we aren’t diligent, the Stupid Dog robs us of the rest. Despite a mutual fondness between all parties, this can’t last forever.

So, at the first of the year, we contacted a real estate agent in hopes of finding an purchasing a house. Our early efforts were thwarted by a seemingly disinterested agent who made, at best, minimal efforts to contact or help us. Eventually, we gave up on him and asked Jake for his aunt’s contact info. This was a good thing.

That very (Friday) night, she called up and talked to me at some length. By Tuesday, we were out seeing houses with her, and over the next two weeks, we saw about 25 houses from over a hundred listings she had sent us, and had made three offers in one week.

The first home we made an offer on ended up being more than we wanted to spend. The second one cost about $40k less, but needed a lot of work and ultimately the owners were not actually considering any of the offers that were coming in (we hope that they do ultimately respond to our offer, so we can tell them where to stick it). The third house was between the first two in price, but much closer to home (and the freeway). Even though our offer had a 12 hour deadline on it, we got a response, and accepted their counter offer. That means that we are buying a house, which we can move into on the evening of the 18th of next month.

It feels so good to finally have a house under contract, and that it’s one that we like, where we like, in good shape, only makes things better. Buying a house in a seller’s market sucks. I’m just glad to be done with the hunting part, and we’re ready to do the closing work and move.

Best of all, we’ll have five months to get settled before the baby comes.

LAN Party Update

The following are LAN party addendum:

1. We are encouraging you to bring your own comfy chair. Not a couch, not a loveseat, not a sofa, but a chair. If it's an office chair that fits through doors easily, then that's great. Bring it. We think we'll have enough tables, but we're pretty sure there will not be enough folding chairs for everyone. My butt always hurts after using a folding chair for not too long, so I'm bringing my nice chair. I strongly encourage you to do the same.

2. Leon and I will buy drinks either this weekend or on Monday. Doesn't really matter. What does matter is that you post a comment here right away if you have a strong preference. We will seriously consider all comments, but not after we've already bought the drinks.

3. Plan on playing Half-Life 1 and Motocross Madness 2 at least. We will have a machine that will run an SNES emulator for Mortal Kombat/Mario/2-Player NES games and controllers. We will have a TV and DVD player. We will have music. We will have food. But mostly, we will have a great time. Oh, yeah...there will be prizes. For what? For whatever I decide to give out prizes!...for. (Should the final "for" be there? I couldn't decide.)

4. There may be some geeky challenges to have fun with. What does that mean? I don't know yet. But brush up on your 1337 5k1llz, if you have any. Or we may just find a HL1 map that everyone likes a lot and play the heck out of it.

5. Bring CounterStrike, or BlueKnuckle, (what was it called again, Krys?) or whatever. Play. Have fun. I don't care. If you can find others who want to play too, then go ahead.

6. We are not grounded. Field trips are a definite possibility. I've done everything I can to make sure that we don't HAVE to leave if we don't want to. But Target is next door, several restaurants are close by, and Barnes and Noble has hot chocolate.

Finally, consider this an RFC RE the LAN PARTY. Comment here on movies to bring, drinks, games, prizes, geek challenges, dinner, field trips, chairs, or the lack of moral terpitude required to pull this sort of thing off. Maybe not that last one. You have your orders. OH, one last thing...CALL ME if you know someone who hasn't RSVP'd and still wants to come to the party. It's possible we can work it out.

Phischkneght New Year's LAN Party, 2006

We are go.

The annual Phischkneght New Year's LAN Party for 2006 will be on the 20th of February 2006 (obviously), and it will be at...Lady Fitness in Layton. Ok, ok, not really, but it will be in the same building that Lady Fitness in Layton is in.

I know that you're almost certainly not a lady, and almost as certainly not fit, so yes, I will direct you to said Lady Fitness.

First, let's start with this: Do you know where Target in Layton is? You do? Excellent! Aren't you such a smart LAN party participant? Yes you are. So there is a road behind Target. Directly behind, as in 'on the opposite side of the building from the front doors'. The Lady Fitness building is across that street from Target.

Or, if you're a little more Antelope-centrically thinking, Lady Fitness is behind the Fazoli's in Layton. If you pull into the Fazoli's parking lot and drive past Fazoli's, then you're at the Lady Fitness building.

You say you're a visual learner? Fine, here's a Google hybrid map of the building and immediate area. The pin on this map is between the backside of Target and Lady Fitness. If you zoom way into the map, you'll see that there is a single, lonely car in the building's south lot. THIS IS WHERE YOU SHOULD PARK, because the door you'll be entering through is on that side of the building. It's the only door on that side of the building. But please do park properly in a parking space, unlike the car in the photo.

(Sorry about the tone above. It's not for you. I respect your intellect. It's for Andrew.)

Please show up at about 1:00 PM, and plan on leaving as late as 11:00 PM. If you show up a little early, or a little late, it's no big deal.

GOOD NEWS!!! This LAN party will feature NO COVER CHARGE, and that price includes a meal, the company of some nice folks, and an internet connection for the duration of the party. Probably.

On the other hand, if you'd like to attend, you MUST BE INVITED. No exceptions. If you're not invited, we're very sorry, but you simply won't be able to make this one. If you are invited, then your name will appear below. Come to think of it, I'll have to remember to invite myself and Leon.

Guest List:

Jake Wilcox (whew, I remembered)
Leon Walker
Jeff Wilcox
Mark Wilcox
Krys Johnson
Stan Wilcox
Mike Cook
Eric Widdison
Brent Chase
Gary Walker
Andrew Walker

**This list will almost certainly change over the next couple of days. See here for updates.

Edit 1: Scott can't make it. His daughter has a birthday and he won't accept the kindness of strangers.

We are asking all attendees to please bring a power strip and a network cable. If you have a spare switch, or one that you can borrow for the duration of the party, please bring it to use. Please do not bring any routers. They cause problems. Just bring a switch if you can, or a hub if you really feel like it. But probably not the hub, too. Just a switch. And a power strip, and a network cable. And your PC, and whatever peripherals you'd like to use with it. Just that. And yourself. But you get the idea. Oh yeah, one more thing...if you want sound, bring headphones. Speakers will not be allowed, as music will be provided.

Plan on having one meal at the party. We are having Greek chicken souvlaki and gyros, and there will definitely be enough for everyone to have one meal. If there's more food after that, then that's great. If we run out of food and we want dinner, Fazoli's and other establishments are close by. And if you're not fond of Greek, you're welcome to bring something of your own.

If your name is on the list above, please RSVP for the party by creating a comment to this post. If you do not RSVP by Friday the 17th, we will assume you're not coming, and your invitation is void. Excluding Leon, Jake and Mike.

Finally, we would like to sincerely thank Comstar Internet Services for sponsoring this LAN party (They're providing the location, internet service, and food). Comstar has not asked for mentions, ads, banners, or any promotion at all in exchange for sponsoring the party. The mention, link above, and logo above are Phischkneght's way of saying thank you. We really do appreciate it.